then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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