So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
