Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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