Apparently you make a good broom.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
