You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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