just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Bring me that man meat
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
