i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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