don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
