I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
