Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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