Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I can't turn off my feet"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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