PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
