You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
