jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
