she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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