oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
