we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
