I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
