i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
