Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
