Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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