I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
