his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
