We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
