I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
