grandma shit on top of the toilet
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
