I want to walk on stilts...naked
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
