She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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