On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
