At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
