She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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