She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
