I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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