We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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