im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
