I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
