Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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