Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
