It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
