All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
