Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
