So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
