I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
