perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
