well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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