no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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