Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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