She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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