Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
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I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
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Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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