wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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