I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
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