some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
