YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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