So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
