at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
