She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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