when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
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Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
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It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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