He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
