it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
