try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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