If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
