Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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