There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
