He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
