I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
