you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
