so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
