he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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