Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
