If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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